How to Convince Your Resistant Partner to Join You in Pre-Marital or Marital Counseling?


Counselling proves beneficial when relationship faces poor communication, lack of trust, frequent fights and when partners start to question themselves if its worthy of living under one roof anymore!. These are some of the signs that couples should immediately seek professional help from an expert.

However there is one constraint that a lot of couple faces before coming to a good marriage counsellor - resistance from one partner who maybe sees counselling as a waste of time or money, or they’re afraid it will make things worse, or just a way to forestall the inevitable.

Sharing emotions is something some of us can do as our second nature; yet for others, this can really feel threatening.  For folks less accustomed to emotional vulnerability, an attempt to counselling can be an overwhelming fear.
So, how do you convince your partner to join you for couple therapy?

Select the right time

First thing is to put utmost importance on when and how to bring up the idea of going to couples therapy or coaching. Getting angry at your partner isn’t going to help him/her want to engage in couple therapy or coaching with you.  It will probably pull her/ him to pull away and become even more closed. 
Don’t even think of bringing up the idea of getting help with him/her in the middle of a fight.  And don’t do it in angrily. Instead, find a time when you’re getting along.  From a loving place that won’t feel threatening to your partner, let your partner know that you cherish times like these when you get along well with each other.  Tell him/her that you want more of these times.  Let him/her know how much you value your relationship and want it to be better. Make sure you are feeling calm when you share this with your partner.  

Select the right approach

It’s hard to really be vulnerable when your relationship is strained.  Even if you *think* you are being vulnerable, you may still feel frustrated and sound a little hostile.  Check your physical and emotional state before talking about counseling.

It is true that you are taking a big risk by wearing your heart on your sleeve and he/she may still reject the idea, but it’s worth everything if you want to save your relationship.

Educate & Appreciate

Once you let your partner know that you are interested in couple therapy/marriage counselling because you value him/her and your relationship so much, try to discuss with your partner a little bit on what to expect. So what you should share?

A. Tell your partner that the professional is not going to take sides.  Good couples therapists or coaches generally don’t do that. They are not biased people.

B. Let him know that couples therapy or coaching doesn’t have to take forever.

C. Depending on your situation and what kind of therapist you see, you can achieve great results in just a few sessions.

D. In India lot of people hold wrong notion for counsellors, make sure your partner knows that people across the globe go to therapists who are highly trained to help couples to bring happiness back into their relationships.

E. Tell your partner that going to a marriage counselor they can expect following from their relationship.
1.            Improved communication.
2.            Feeling heard and understood
3.            Improved sleep.
4.            Improved mood.
5.            Decreased stress levels. 
6.             Finally being able to connect with each other again like at the beginning of the relationship. 



About the Author: 

Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the eminent relationship and marriage counsellor in Delhi, she is the consulting psychologist with Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics. Counsellor Shivani has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad. She is one of India's eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels

Contact Shivani Misri Sadhoo



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