Steps to Keeping Your Cool and Saving Your Relationships - Tips by Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

You may image or you might already have experienced this situation - one unfortunate day your best friend or co-worker or your partner tell you something insulting, hurts you, screams at you and you forget that moment that they might be suffering from a momentary mood swing or they might have miss-understood you and YOU DON’T WAIT and insult them back, scream back at them – risking, weakening or even destroying your relationships. 

Relationship counsellor Shivani Sadhoo suggests that when we are under anger attack from our loved ones, the first instinct that works for us is – either to fight back immediately or getting shocked or surprised how to react – these two reactions generally make the situation worse.

The right thing one should practice is MINDFULNESS. That is building the ability to judge and understand the crisis situation first and then react accordingly. Here are some simple steps to improve your interpersonal skills and to save your valuable relationships in the time of a fight.

Identify your impulse that precedes your anger response.

When you get angry the moment prior reacting to our anger our body shows some impulse, i.e. sensation that rises up through our body prior launching anger reaction—these impulses are like - rapid heartbeat, feeling heat in your ears , raising your voice, clenching your jaw (different people have different kind of impulses). When you can pick up on these warning signs, you can give yourself time to make a deliberate choice. At that moment, you are practicing anger management.

Control the impulse.

The goal is to keep your body and mind in control if you're quick to fight, give yourself a time-out: shift your focus on your body instead. Concentrate on feeling the heat beneath you, then take long deep breaths from your diaphragm; try inhaling through your nose on a count of two, holding till six and exhaling through your mouth on seven.

Accept extreme anger is wrong

Many of us believe the expression of anger is a sign of strength or an instrument of self-defence. It is true to some extent BUT when anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to all kind of problems —problems at work, in our personal relationships, worsens our BP & heart condition and in the overall quality of your life. It can make you feel as though you are at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. Remember that unless we accept extreme anger is BAD no matter what we practice or think, we cannot improve ourselves and lead a healthy and happy life.