Do you Know Misinterpretation of Cognitive Dissonance Message can Ruin Your Marriage or Relationship?

The term 'cognitive dissonance' means the discomfort of person when his/her self-image collides with reality. Some of you might think it is a new aspect of life, but, in reality, we all, frequently feel this discomfort or witness it in our loved ones. A person’s self-image is based on values and beliefs, and he/she is demanded to work or act outside his/her value’s boundaries.

For example, a husband holds his self-image that he is compassionate and a good listener. One day things at his office don't go too well and he reaches home completely exhausted.  At this moment  his wife (who was waiting for him) complaints that the washing machine is no more working because he didn’t switch it off correctly, last night.

At this moment, this husband may face the conflict between his self-image and current reality. He may ask himself:  “I am a loving and compassionate person. Yet I am not loving and compassionate with my wife at this moment. Therefore, there must be something wrong with my wife- she must be selfish, irrational, ignorant, unworthy, abusive, etc.”

That is how judgements from a misinterpretation of a message of cognitive dissonance ruins an intimate relationship and marriages. 

Remember, it's not easy to avoid the trap of cognitive dissonance in intimate relationships. Instead of asking what is wrong with your partner, ask, what in me is making it hard to be compassionate right now. The answer will almost always be guilt (I should have informed her that I am too tired today so she could understand me at this moment).

This article is written by Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent Marriage Counsellor in Delhi