Do You Know How to Say Sorry?

In any kind of relationship, one cannot be always or be always wrong. The art of maintaining a beautiful relationship is not pointing or defending who is right or wrong but it’s also the ability to judge your partner’s feedbacks, evaluate your actions and to apologise if you are wrong.

There is a common perception if you need to apologise, you have to say sorry. Relationship and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says that apologising or saying sorry has to be more than just the lip service. What the offended person really wants from you is the different behaviour. Your words of apology are the promise of change; supporting actions are the proof of the same. Excuses and counter attacks can make matters worse, leaving the offended party feeling invalidated and further alienated.

If you care about the feelings of those with whom you have a relationship, want to keep that relationship, and would like to enhance your own feelings of self-worth, you must sooner, learn the art of apologising. These 3 steps outline a helpful approach:

1.  Be truly sorry: sometimes people miss to see if their partner is hurt or not, or they miss to justify why their partner is hurt, because they judge their own behaviour from their own perspective; i.e. the person tries to evaluate with an 'I';  "if I would have ok if she woukd have had told me about the same , why is she over reacting ?". Commonly, in India men try to defend their (situation) limitation of understanding their partners by using a sentence is " I was just joking...why are you feeling bad about it? ". DON’T DO THAT, understand your partner is not your carbon copy or there is no reason she or he should be one, they have their own ways to see and perceive the world. If you have hurt your partner, give a good thought about it, avoid defending yourself and when you say sorry, you should really mean it. 

2.  When you say sorry, be specific: generally, people repeat their mistakes simply because they never understood what mistake they have made. Prior to saying sorry it's advisable that he/she should realise his/her mistake first and if possible, they should get it clarified from the person whom they have hurt. Like when you apologise, tell the person the mistakes you have committed and your understanding how they have hurt the person. This will tell the person that you have really introspected about the misunderstanding you are serious to about correcting them.

3.  Ask for forgiveness and do give your partner the time they require to consider your apologies. When you request for forgiveness, it also conveys that you value your relationship. Also, when you ask for forgiveness, realise that your partner may need some time to decide, especially in the case of a major transgression. Do give them their required time and space even if you're eager to sort out the situation ASAP.