Listen With Your Heart as Well as Your Ears To Strengthen Your Marital Bond

To be heard, to be listened, to be understood and to be cared for , these are the gifts that love can offer. We all yearn for these from our partner and from our loved ones.

However, the problem arises when we all yearn for love and care but forget that the other people yearn the same from us, too. The marital bond and blissfulness of marriage weakens when couples become so immersed in their own world (profession, parents, friends) that they rarely give their full attention to each other.

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests to avoid distancing between couples, they require a temporary suspension of their own personal agenda, in favour of their own happiness that a beautifully maintained marital relationship can give to them. The art of moving from self-indulgence to care giving and then care receiver starts with the practice of true mindful listening – that can be learned. 

Mindful listening could be a hard work for most of the people because too often, we are more interested in expressing our own thoughts, than in hearing someone else’s.

Effective listening requires an understanding that it is not just the speaker's responsibility to make sure he/she is understood. The listener has a major role to play in hearing the complete message. The following ideas will assist the listener in understanding the message.

1. Put the speaker at ease: Relax, smile, look at the speaker and help that person feel free to talk. Look and act interested. Remove distractions: turn off the TV; close the door; stop what you are doing, and pay attention.

2. Pay attention to the nonverbal language of physical gestures, facial expressions, the tone , and the body posture. An authority on nonverbal language says that 55 % of the message meaning is nonverbal, 38% is indicated by the tone of voice, and only 7% is conveyed by the words used in a spoken message. Few people know how to listen to the eyes; what a tapping foot means; a furrowed brow; clenched fist; the biting of nails. They often reveal the range of feelings behind the words.

3. Listen to what is not said. Ask questions to clarify the meaning of words and the feelings involved, or ask the speaker to explain the statement. People often find it difficult to speak up about matters or experiences that are very important or highly emotional for them. Listen for how the speaker presents the message. What people hesitate to say is often the most critical point.