Why People Marry The Wrong Person?

Am I marrying the right person? it’s a question every individual asks himself or herself before entering a marital relationship and everyone goes to great lengths to avoid marrying the wrong person, yet a large number of couples concludes that they married to a wrong person after spending a certain time in their marriage. 

Today relationship & marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo unboxes the question, why this phenomenon commonly happens in today’s society?  She tells that the problem starts at the beginning when two people get close to each other.  Most of the people seem normal and amazing when the other person doesn’t know them completely.

Perhaps a person is lazy or becomes furious if he/she is been disagreed upon or have not developed enough maturity to handle adverse phase of life or to stick and grow in one relationship. The point is that nobody is perfect.  

The problem is that before marriage people rarely exhibit their limitations, the worst is when they themselves are not aware of their own shortcomings. Whenever a casual relationship threatens to reveal a person’s flaws, they blame their partner or some other situation in life.

Our partners are no more self-aware. We visit their families, we meet their friends. All this contributes to a sense that we’ve done our homework. But we haven’t. Marriage ends up as a hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don’t know yet who they are or who the other person might be, binding them to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully avoided investigating.

In India, a large number of people marry for logical sorts of reasons: because their caste matches, his family has a flourishing business, her father is politically connected, he is well educated and gets good salary package. And from such reasonable marriages, there flows loneliness, infidelity, abuse, the hardness of heart and screams heard through the nursery doors.

Another factor that leads to marriage is that we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us. We married to make such sensations permanent but failed to see that there was no solid connection between these feelings and the institution of marriage.

There is nothing wrong with the above factors, some of them are indeed necessary for a successful marital life like financial & professional stability. But these factors are secondary after you evaluate the below points.

1.   Do not hide your limitations before marriage for fear of losing her or him. It’s better to change paths before the wedding than go through the order of divorce and separation with kids and years of emotion and life investment.

2.  Don’t build expectations at the beginning of your marriage; rather work to make your marital life wonderful with sincere efforts and dedication (by both the partners) so with time, marital life itself start giving you the joy and care that one seeks.

3. Work on improving the communication between you and your partner.

4. Instead of criticizing, invest more time to evolve your limitation, learn to rejuvenate your romance, religiously take time for your partner to go out for dinner and vacation, periodically.

5. Plan your family responsibilities and finances in advance.