When it comes to marriage don’t rush to the decision nor do just keep nodding your head with a smile to your future spouse and in-laws, says marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo. She says it’s very important that both the girl and the boy MUST ask
right questions before getting married.
Psychologist and relationship expert Shivani also says that due to shyness, lack of interest or a desire to preserve romantic mystery; many couples do not ask each other the difficult questions that can help build a strong foundation for a stable marriage .
Hence if you don’t deal with an issue before marriage, you deal with it while you’re married, it can be hard to keep secrets decades after decades, and reticence before the wedding can lead to disappointments down the line. The following questions, intimate and sometimes awkward, are designed to spark honest discussions and possibly give couples a chance to spill secrets before it’s too late.
1. Did your family fight or calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?
As we are all shaped by our family’s dynamics, this question will give you the insight into whether your partner will come to mimic the conflict resolution patterns of his or her parents or avoid them completely . A relationship’s success is based on how differences are dealt with.
2. Will your experiences with your exes – help or harm our relationship?
A lot of times it’s been witnessed that people with serious breakups in the past, tends to compare their current relationship’s unfavourable situations or even their partner’s unfavourable actions that with their exes. Raising these issues early on can help, people are hesitant to explicitly talk about their past. The only real way to have those conversations in an intimate and productive way and loving way is to agree to accept that the other person has had a life before the couple.
3. What’s the most you would be willing to spend on ; a car, house, furniture and/ or shoes?
Couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or recklessness. Buying an expensive car before planning a house could be a great indicator of reckless spending habit. Couples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on.
4. Ask your partner when he or she most needs to be alone, Ask for the area of privacy they seek from their partner?
Going into marriage, many people hope to keep their autonomy in certain areas of their life at the same time they are building a partnership with their spouse. This means they may be unwilling to share hobbies or friends, and this can lead to tension and feelings of rejection if it isn’t discussed. Couples may also have different expectations as to what “privacy” means, and that should be discussed, too.
5. How do you see us 10 years from now?
Keeping the answer to this question in mind can help a couple a lot to deal with the difficulties, misunderstandings, anger and other emotional turbulences in their future. This discussion could also be an opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner will consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates, or whether they expect marriage to be for life, come what may.
Article by Delhi's eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert -Shivani Misri Sadhoo