As a relationship and marriage Counselor, I have often found couples who missed to start their relationship with a mindful dating and that leads to shorting of their relationship, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo.
She says the way we approach dating determines the kind of love we find. And the quality of the love we find determines the very quality of our lives. In other words, a mindful dating can lead us more quickly to real love; it also leads us to live richer, more fulfilling relationships.
Counsellor Shivani says, the search for healthy love is not about tricks, gimmicks, or quick fixes. Our search for love deserves our deepest respect, compassion, and intelligence. The more we approach our dating life as an intimate journey, the greater are our chances of finding someone truly wonderful, and of keeping that relationship alive.
Today Counsellor Shivani shares some important hacks to improve your dating skills.
1. Be true to yourself: remember there is no greater feeling than being in true alignment with you. Being authentic is a gift. When you are true to yourself, it will always radiate through to others. A lot of times people try to project things that they are not so as to impress the other person and soon that lie is caught and their partner finds difficult to maintain their respect and trust for the other person.
2. Don’t try to control the outcome: Many times people try too hard to control the outcome of a date, in the process, they become pushy and eccentric – talk all big about self and do not pay attention to the other person’s moods and emotions. This happens as people don’t want to experience rejection or embarrassment. Such actions may suffocate your date , hence instead of controlling, practice the art of surrender can as it can be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences of all. Maybe you have contacted someone or are waiting to confirm a date. Once you have set your intention, let it go. What will happen will happen and no amount of wishing or worrying will affect the outcome.
3. Give utmost importance to the quality of kindness. A lot of times people just give importance to beauty, charm, money, and power. They judge these qualities of their partner and try to plan their relationship future. Avoid building the base of a relationship on temporary assets, the biggest qualities that make a person amazing and a wonderful partner in the future is his/her quality of kindness ad understanding. Hence on your first try to identify if the person is understanding and kind, you can do that by observing how the person is doing the following actions:-
a. How does this person treats the restaurant waiter NOT how much tip he places on the bill folder?
b. How does he treat the people who matter most to you, like your best friend and family?
Such an observation may not be possible on the first date but you can plan an unannounced meeting with your partner and your best friend or with one family member. Look for clues like if your date is finding attracted towards your best friend or feeling uneasy, angry or avoiding your family member.
c. Does he listen to your feelings with care and interest?