Loneliness is not just about physical proximity, it’s about emotional connection. You may have sex, but you don’t have love. You may talk, but you don’t communicate. You live together, but you don’t share life.
Many of us never expect to be lonely in a marriage, hoping that our spouse will be the lifelong companion who saves us from loneliness. Over time, however, couples can gradually disconnect from one another and find themselves feeling isolated and withdrawn. Today Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo first explains what cause distancing and loneliness in marriage and how to overcome;
First, understand what are most common causes that distance couples and make them lonely in their relationship
· You may feel lonely in spite of your partner if your heart is closed as you are protecting yourself from hurt, anger or withdrawal. You cannot connect when you are closed and protected.
· You may feel lonely if your partner when your partner is closed and angry or withdrawn and noncommunicative. You will feel lonely if your partner deliberately shuts you out with work, TV, food, alcohol, hobbies, the Internet and so on.
· You may feel lonely when one or both of you are closed to learning methods to cope when a conflict arises. The unwillingness to have an open communication about important issues creates a wall between you.
· You may feel lonely if your partner judges you about your thoughts, feelings, looks or actions. Judgment creates disconnection, and disconnection can be very lonely.
Here are important ways to reconnect with your spouse:
1. Make the first move. Remember feelings of loneliness are seldom felt by only one person in a relationship. If you’re feeling isolated, chances are your spouse is, too. Take the first step to reconnecting with them, even if it’s just a small gesture. Open up to them about how you feel and give them an opportunity to do the same. Healing cannot begin if you hide or mask your pain.
2. Take responsibility for your feelings. First take responsibility for your painful feelings and stop avoiding them to get exposed or don’t hide them with your anger or frustration. Tell your spouse that you are willing to feel the pain and lovingly want to manage and learn from them. Ask your part to do the same.
3. Forgive the past hurts. Especially if you have been feeling alone for a long time, hurts have likely been building up in your marriage. Nothing breeds loneliness more than unforgiving hurt and conflict. If you have been wronged, make the decision to forgive your spouse. And if you have wounded them, seek their forgiveness immediately.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you and your partner have tried to come close and still your relationship does not recover then don’t wait and keep bleeding. Seek expert’s help, remember there are expert counselors who are trained and experienced to help couples to rejuvenate their marriages.