We all get angry with our partners from time to time. Anger in relationships often stem from utter dismay at spouse’s certain actions, behaviour or bad habits or sometimes the anger gets accumulated from in-laws and gets lashed back at the spouse. Generally, a little bit of arguments and expression of anger is not bad in a relationship, as it can help to remove misunderstandings or allows one partner to realise the other partner's perspective. Trouble starts when the fight and the anger start to occur in short intervals of time with each passing day.
Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo warns couples that in most cases, anger in marriages are left unchecked and over the time, it gradually leads to permanent bitterness in relationships, which takes enormous emotional resources to undo or sometimes there is no comeback.Hence Counsellor Sadhoo suggests that it’s better to deal with anger in a relationship than letting it spiral out of control.
In this article Counsellor Sadhoo shares some secret tips to minimise the destructive effects of anger on your relationships
1. Count numbers before speaking.
When you feel the rush of anger don’t jump to nail back your partner, rather take a deep breath and count 1 to 20. This will help you choose your words more carefully and not say something which you will regret.
2. Listen carefully
When you argue with your partner, always try to listen carefully and validate their emotions. Generally, people’s anger keeps on fuelling because they think they’re not being heard or taken seriously. Use of active listening techniques generally stops arguments to get worse.
3. Share your feelings.
If you’re feeling angry, then say so. If you’re feeling nervous, upset or frustrated by your partner’s anger, then share that also. This is especially important with passive aggression, when a partner may want to deny that his / her behaviour has had any impact on you.
4. Try to stick to “I statement”
Generally, a fight keeps on getting worse when partners start using “you statement”, which is criticising other, insulting other, hurting and damaging the other. Remember the point of all arguments should be problem-solving not problem worsening. Hence if you want end to your fight on a positive note, stick to your ‘I statement’, like “I feel I am not been understood”, “I am hurt”, “I am sorry if I have hurt your sentiments” and try to reach to point where you can say “I love you”.