Is Being "Busy" A Disease?

I saw a dear friend a few days ago and I stopped by to ask her how she was doing, how her family was. She looked up, voice lowered, and just whimpered: “I’m so busy… I am so busy… have so much going on.”

Almost immediately after, I ran into another friend and asked him how he was. Again, same tone, same response: “I’m just so busy… got so much to do.” Up, voice lowered, and just whimpered: “I’m so busy… I am so busy… have so much going on.” The tone was exasperated, burnt out and staggering.

How did we end up living like this? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to our children? When did we forget that we are human beings, not human doings? Do we have to love our children so much that we over-schedule them, making them stressed and busy — just like us?

What happened to the world in which we can sit with the people we love so much and have slow conversations about the state of our heart and soul, conversations that slowly unfold, conversations with pregnant pauses and silences that we are in no rush to fill?

This disease of being “busy” is destructive to our health and well-being. It saps our ability to be fully present with those we love the most in our families. We have no more “free” or leisurely time today than we did decades ago. We are on our devices. All. The. Freaking. Time.

Smartphones and laptops mean that there is no division between the office and home. When the kids are in bed, we are back online.Emails, business emails, hybrid emails. And people expect a response — right now. I, too, it turns out… am so busy.

When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” 

I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul.

Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items from your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.

Put your hand on my arm, look me in the eye, and connect with me for one second. Tell me something about your heart, and awaken my heart. Help me remember that I too am a full and complete human being, a human being who also craves a human touch.

This might be a reflection of many of our lifestyles and our busy-ness. I don’t have any magical solutions. All I know is that we are losing the ability to live a truly human life.

W. B. Yeats once wrote: “It takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on a battlefield.” How exactly are we supposed to examine the dark corners of our soul when we are so busy? How are we supposed to live the examined life?

I want us to have a kind of existence where we can pause, look each other in the eye, touch one another, and inquire together: Here is how my heart is doing? I am taking the time to reflect on my own existence; I am in touch enough with my own heart and soul to know how I fare, and I know how to express the state of my heart.

How is the state of your heart today?

Let us insist on a type of human-to-human connection where when one of us responds by saying, “I am just so busy,” we can follow up by saying, “I know, love. We all are. But I want to know how your heart is doing"?


About the author: Relationship and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is a certified Relationship counsellor and a certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the fields of Relationship issues (communication, co-dependency, conflicts, couple counselling.