To build a good marriage, you need love and acceptance. To build a bad one, you need dumb rules and unreal expectations. Here are some conventional norms that you can flout.
Happily married couples will agree that there’s no recipe for a successful marriage. What works for your cousin may not work for your best friend. If you, however, are at the threshold of saying ‘I do’ or have taken the plunge already, you must have been handed down tips from friends and family. Almost everyone who attended your wedding might have had something to say about how to pull off a marriage like Ronaldinho pulls off one of his crazy tricks in the 84th minute. But while everyone’s relatives might sound very sure about the formula, the statistics have another story to tell. According to a report published in a leading national daily in 2015, the number of divorce applications has doubled and even tripled in cities such as Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkata and Lucknow over the past five years. The reasons cited range from incompatibility issues to abuse. This proves that conventional wisdom is wrong on what it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of the rules we’re handed down—‘Have a kid, it’ll fix everything’, ‘Keep peace at all costs’, ‘Don’t refuse sex’—are based on unfounded optimism or fear. Neither is good for a long partnership. So it’s time to debunk these popular marriage myths and find out what counsellors and relationship experts have to tell us about building a lasting bond.
Having kids will bring you closer
Do your parents and in-laws nag you to have kids already? Then this argument will be familiar to you. But if you’ve been weathering a rough patch in your marriage, do not plan a baby with the hope that things will get better. Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a clinical psychologist, marriage and relationship counsellor from Delhi, says, “Having kids does not alter a person’s basic nature or the basis of a relationship. It might work for a while, but rearing kids is hard work, and the moment the initial hubbub quietens, the troublesome behaviour that was being suppressed will resurface.” If you’ve been weathering a rough patch in your marriage, do not plan a baby with the hope that things will get better.
Happily married couples will agree that there’s no recipe for a successful marriage. What works for your cousin may not work for your best friend. If you, however, are at the threshold of saying ‘I do’ or have taken the plunge already, you must have been handed down tips from friends and family. Almost everyone who attended your wedding might have had something to say about how to pull off a marriage like Ronaldinho pulls off one of his crazy tricks in the 84th minute. But while everyone’s relatives might sound very sure about the formula, the statistics have another story to tell. According to a report published in a leading national daily in 2015, the number of divorce applications has doubled and even tripled in cities such as Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkata and Lucknow over the past five years. The reasons cited range from incompatibility issues to abuse. This proves that conventional wisdom is wrong on what it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of the rules we’re handed down—‘Have a kid, it’ll fix everything’, ‘Keep peace at all costs’, ‘Don’t refuse sex’—are based on unfounded optimism or fear. Neither is good for a long partnership. So it’s time to debunk these popular marriage myths and find out what counsellors and relationship experts have to tell us about building a lasting bond.
Having kids will bring you closer
Do your parents and in-laws nag you to have kids already? Then this argument will be familiar to you. But if you’ve been weathering a rough patch in your marriage, do not plan a baby with the hope that things will get better. Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a clinical psychologist, marriage and relationship counsellor from Delhi, says, “Having kids does not alter a person’s basic nature or the basis of a relationship. It might work for a while, but rearing kids is hard work, and the moment the initial hubbub quietens, the troublesome behaviour that was being suppressed will resurface.” If you’ve been weathering a rough patch in your marriage, do not plan a baby with the hope that things will get better.
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