Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo Shares Her Views on "How to Navigate In-laws Relationships as Newlyweds" in Femina
I had made it very clear to Mohit* that I would not be living with his family after marriage,” says Stuti*, a 31-year-old from Delhi. “Imagine my horror, when I found my mother-in-law driving down to our place every day on some pretext or the other! Here we are, five years into a marriage, with my mother-in-law in semi-permanent residence, still holding forth on how I should run my household, raise the kids and care for her darling son!”
Even if you’re not living Stuti’s Everybody Loves Raymond nightmare, chances are the months (perhaps years) immediately after you got married were spent getting to know not your brand new husband, but his family. Assimilating into a new culture always brings a certain amount of stress, no matter how nice everyone is being. And if they don’t bother to be nice, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. Then, power struggles, negativity and manipulation become fixtures in your home life. But there is a way to change this tired old script. If you’re a new bride, or about to become one, read on to find out how to spare yourself that newlywed angst.
Stand your ground
Many new brides choose the path of least resistance when it comes to dealing with in-laws to avoid the stress of daily conflicts. Capitulating may not be the best idea, however, and Delhi based psychologist and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo sounds a note of caution and explains that compromise is a two-way street. “Many of us are brought up on a diet of unrealistic notions about what an ideal bride should be like. These expectations put pressure on a marriage and often lead to its breakdown. If you blindly follow the orthodox Indian standards of an ideal bride, chances are that you will be taken for granted and ultimately reach a point where you revolt, and that will sound the death knell for your relationship,” she says.....
Even if you’re not living Stuti’s Everybody Loves Raymond nightmare, chances are the months (perhaps years) immediately after you got married were spent getting to know not your brand new husband, but his family. Assimilating into a new culture always brings a certain amount of stress, no matter how nice everyone is being. And if they don’t bother to be nice, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. Then, power struggles, negativity and manipulation become fixtures in your home life. But there is a way to change this tired old script. If you’re a new bride, or about to become one, read on to find out how to spare yourself that newlywed angst.
Stand your ground
Many new brides choose the path of least resistance when it comes to dealing with in-laws to avoid the stress of daily conflicts. Capitulating may not be the best idea, however, and Delhi based psychologist and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo sounds a note of caution and explains that compromise is a two-way street. “Many of us are brought up on a diet of unrealistic notions about what an ideal bride should be like. These expectations put pressure on a marriage and often lead to its breakdown. If you blindly follow the orthodox Indian standards of an ideal bride, chances are that you will be taken for granted and ultimately reach a point where you revolt, and that will sound the death knell for your relationship,” she says.....
Read the article here: Femina Column Love & Sex
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