How to start feeling Secure in Your Relationship?

Sometimes you may have witnessed in your relationship or in others that even though everything is going great in life, still one partner does not feel secure enough to trust the other partner completely.

Why such thing happens, especially if everything is going fine in the couple’s relationship and life? According to Delhi’s eminent relationship Expert and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, the question is not why but, to find out what makes the partner feel insecure? It takes time and devotion by couples, but when they get there, their relationship gets filled with a great deal of happiness, stability and bliss. 

Poor self-esteem

The most common reason that causes lack of relationship insecurity is poor self-esteem of either one or both the partners. A partner with poor self-esteem suffers from thoughts like they are not good enough. They think that their partner is too attractive, too smart or too sexy as compared to them and hence a fear starts to develop in them that someone with more money, more power, better professional, better skin and a better figure can take away their partner from them.

Past Relationship & accessing their memories

You all go through different things in life before you meet your life partner. You have our own experiences that at times, leave marks you didn’t know could affect your state of mind. Traumatic experiences can manifest as a behavioural disorder – some of which includes depression and insecurity.

Lack of deep conversation

The common problem that couples usually experience is the lack of deep conversations about the future, about the things they love or dislike, or even about their day-to-day activities.

Such situations generally open space for wrong self-speculations, self-interpretation, self-judgements that can drag a relationship into unrealistic future and frequent clashes. For example, if a couple has never discussed when they would plan a child after marriage then post marriage, one of them who is career-centric would be expecting to have a child only after say five years whereas the other partner would like to have a child in the first two years of their wedding. Since they don't share their perspective on the issue often leads to frequent fights and quarrels between the couple. 

Learn to trust yourself.

Relationship security is not only about trusting your partner rather about its learning to trust yourself too. Trust yourself to know that no matter what the other person does, you will take care of yourself. Trust yourself to know that you won’t ignore your inner voice when it tells you that something isn’t right. Trust yourself not to hide your feelings even if you feel awkward to share, trust yourself to make sure your needs are met, and trust yourself that you won’t lose your self-identity. Trust yourself to know that if the relationship isn’t working, you would be able to leave and still be a wholly functional individual. When you trust yourself, feeling secure is almost a guarantee.