How Do You React if Things Go Wrong? Psychologist Shivani tells us why you must avoid self-blaming?

We all carry some degree of the self-blaming tendency when things go wrong in life. The intensity of this tendency depends on our emotional structuring, exposure towards life and age. Generally, we tend to self-blame more for wrong outcomes as kids and gradually with time we learnt to analyse situations in a way better way and try to see the bigger picture.

But have you ever wondered if self-blaming is normal, or do we need to take any extra care to stop it affecting our lives as well as of our kids?

Today Delhi’s renowned psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares why self-blaming is harmful and why we need to practice self-kindness and teach the same to our kids?

Counsellor Shivani shares that self-blaming is one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse. It amplifies our perceived inadequacies, whether real or imagined and paralyzes us before we even begin to move forward. Secondarily, blame leads to shame and, in the context of self-blame that means self-shaming.

Instead of self-blaming, every individual may practice self-compassion and those adults who are parents may also teach the same to their kids. Multiple studies in the field of psychology have shown that treating yourself with more kindness offers tremendous benefits that can help you and your kids become more successful. Research continues to uncover the incredible social, psychological, and physical health benefits associated with self-kindness:

1. Self-compassion increases motivation.

Self-compassion help a person to regain his/her motivation and helps to recover from failure. In a study conducted by the University of California, researchers discovered that students spend more time studying for a difficult test following an initial failure, somehow practising self-compassion. Participants in this research also reported greater motivation to work on their weaknesses when they practised self-acceptance.

2. Self-compassion boosts happiness.

According to a 2007 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, it was found that self-compassion supports better mood and helps a person to develop positive characteristics. Researchers also concluded that self-compassion was linked to happiness, optimism, wisdom, personal initiative, and curiosity.

3. It improves body image.

A 2012 study published in Body Image found that people who practised self-compassion experienced less preoccupation with their appearance, fewer concerns about weight, and greater appreciation toward their bodies. In fact, self-compassion is linked to a healthier body image and decreased body shaming.

4. It reduces psychological distress.

Higher levels of self-compassion are linked to decreased mental health problems. A 2012 study published in Clinical Psychology Review discovered that self-compassion decreases psychological distress, such as anxiety and depression. The study also found that a self-compassionate view reduces the harmful effects of stress.