How to make new friends if you are shy and over 35?

A friend is someone whom we spend time with, someone who knows us better than others do, someone we can count on when the need arises. It’s been said that a friend is a gift that we give to ourselves. According to a research, having a good friendship is utmost important between the age of 35 to 50 plus for emotional and mental well-being. But it’s an age group when making new friends is utmost difficult and on top of it, if you are a shy and an introvert person.

Today Delhi’s famous psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some important ways to find friends in the adulthood.

1. First, admit you are lonely.

You might be in the growth curve of your career, earning well, or a deeply devoted housewife but when you think of spending time for yourself, you tell yourself only one answer, “I don’t have time for anything else in my life”, remember you may be heading for trouble in your old age.

If you want to break your monotonous routine life, bring some new joy, explore new avenues with a friend, but FIRST introspect yourself and recognize if you are lonely in life. Then share it with someone you trust! If you think your partner will understand then share with him or her.

2. Understand your shyness.

Like most things in life, the first most important step starts with the understanding of self, which means there means facing up to what you even mean when you say you are “shy”.

The feeling of shyness makes one feel as if he/she is the only one experiencing it … the only one feeling awkward at a party when everyone else seems to be having a good time. But the reality is that 40-45% of everyone you know is feeling the same way.

Many people who feel shy are actually experiencing what psychologists would call it as social anxiety in the new social environment but, understand this can be coped up with. Shy people sometimes think the best approach is to get out and socialize at parties, but when they find that's not working for them, it just leads to further isolation and more avoidance.

A good understanding of why your brain responds in a certain way will help you choose the right environment for making friends in the steps below.

3. Broaden your thinking

Many people maintain a narrowly defined idea of what type of companion they are looking for and only find success when they broaden their thinking and ditch their pre-conceived notions about various kinds of friendships.

The reality is that companionship comes with all sorts of pros and cons and things get even more diverse once you’re past 40.

4. Become a joiner.

Joining activities around things you are interested in like hobby group, trekking, photography and walks are some of the best ways to make new friends.

5. Look for acquaintances first.

Best friends don’t suddenly materialize the first time you meet. Think about it: most of the best friends you’ve had were people you had to get to know them first. Sometimes it takes months before you were close; sometimes it takes years!

Looking for a deep friendship from the get-go is a sure-fire way to be disappointed. Real friendships take time, so set yourself some realistic goals at first to begin with.