How to Fix Common Communication Mistakes with your Partner? - Relationship Tips by Counselor Shivani Sadhoo
Good communication is the foundation of a good relationship between every couple. While a vibrant communication helps a relationship to flourish and grow, a weak communication or lack of transparency, on the other hand gradually kills the relationship (often silently).
The problem lies with the fact that often good communicating partners, silently degrade their communication standards with the passage of time and by the time they realize the fact, mostly it’s too late.
Relationship Specialist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares that communication gaps in relationships are easy to get into, and can damage a beautiful association if partners are not cautious. Fortunately, today global counseling world has learned to recognize them.
They have identified 5 such points if we try to avoid them then, we can certainly get better results in our daily life while communicating with our partners. They are as follows:
1. Yelling and Screaming:
Every couple fights and they occasionally scream during their altercation. If the screaming and yelling convert into a habit between the couple, then they might be developing more problems than they can resolve. And, it turns into a silent communication destroyer.
Remember screaming and yelling never works and only serve to incite an even stronger emotional response from both the partners during a conflict. Yelling at your partner will block them (make them closed towards you) and make them defensive. So look forward to a calm and meaningful discussion. If you always yell, you are just communicating harshly.
2. Apologizing too much:
Apologizing for every action during a conflict may look like a safe option, but it can also damage the relationship's communication standards - even though the opposite is a communication error too (never apologizing).
Remember if you are always the one apologizing, it can generate severe boundary issues, even if you didn’t actually do anything incorrectly. Many people may apologize just to get their partner off their backs, or to stop being screamed at. However, this eventually communicates to your partner that they can act outrageously to you and you will be the one apologizing. This kind of conduct will also keep things from being entirely truthful in the relationship. So if you find yourself tending towards over-apologizing, ensure to stop overdoing it.
3. The Silent Treatment:
Well, it may seem apparent that an adult relationship must not involve the same communication methods you used in the playground in primary schools, relationship experts want you to understand how hazardous the silent treatment truly can be.
This may seem like a better idea at the time, to step out from a dialogue and just simply stop involving your partner, whether to 'reprimand' them or merely just get away. "However, research shows using this 'treatment' is hardly beneficial and adversely impacts relationships." So speak to your partner, even when it's difficult. It's worth trying to avoid any grave matters down the line.
4. Should and Shouldn’t
Although you actually might feel that your partner is behaving or responding improperly, it's important that you never tell them how to feel. You would not want someone to do the same to you
Any communication around nullifying your partner's feelings is also a non-starter, People's opinion of what did or didn't occur or intentions can be questionable. But how actions (or lack of it) affect someone's emotions are never questioned. In fact, I would claim that a relationship where this is a constant pattern of nullifying a partner's feelings is definitely devious, and potentially emotionally offensive." So don't jump to these types of statements, even when you are unhappy or offended. These way things can remain less forceful and more loving than — as long as possible, in any case.
5. Not Bringing Up an Issue Before It Becomes a Bigger Concern
In case you have formed a pet irritation or something in the relationship which is worrying you, it's essential that you raise it up as soon as possible.
Next time you have an issue with them missing out on a date night, or when they won't respond you back for hours at times, convey it up to them after you have had time to dig deep inside and find out the purpose why it's bothering you. Perhaps you were hurt in a past relationship or during the past events. Maybe you feel like you're being treated as someone secondary. Discussing up bigger matters will help your partner understand and relate with you on a deeper level. Additionally, it will help you avoid bigger issues like screaming matches and silent treatments in the longer run.