Why Couples Misunderstand Each Other?

Do you know a large population of good people suffer in their relationship due to avoidable misunderstanding? So what are the factors that cause misunderstanding and how we can protect us from them…these are the questions that Delhi’s eminent relationship and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares today on her blog.

According to Psychologist Shivani misunderstanding in a relationship generally, takes place due to an illusion of the sameness. In the illusion of sameness, partners assume that events and behaviours have the same emotional meaning for both of them.

At first the illusion leads to hurt and bewilderment like - “How could he do that?” or “How could she think or feel that way?” and eventually these illusions lead judgements that acts as emotional and psychological blockages in relationships, like “my partner does not care for me”, “he/she has personality problem”, “she nags too much” etc.

In relationships or marriages, no two people are carbon copies; they are different by their genders, capabilities, upbringing styles , ambitions, anger levels, temperaments, desires etc. They will certainly have different life experiences, different hormones, their levels and different trajectories to their emotional development. All of these will cause them to give different emotional meanings to the same events.

For example, the last week of March may mean a lot to the husband, that was the time when every employee in his organization was evaluated and got promoted. Every day in this particular week means tension, fear, expectations and prayers for the husband. Whereas for the wife, March 27 is her birthday, where her husband either forgets or don’t seem eager to celebrate.

Hence it’s important that if you are getting filled with anger, emotional pain & disagreement with your partner. Don’t just unload yourself with an immediate burst of anger and harsh words for whatever or however you felt.  Withdraw yourself from that situation, sit quietly and EVALUATE the situation from yours as well as from you partner’s point of view. Then discuss the matter with your partner when both of you are having a fresh mind and a pleasant mood. Express your what bothered you about your partner’s perception and your perception for the situation.