Words are powerful than swords and like it’s been said in old scripts, be very careful while you use your words, as both words and arrows, once pulled out cannot be taken back. In a healthy relationship, words can heal, inspire and help your partner or it can do a silent damage and make permanent wounds. Today Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, shares some simple words that should NEVER be used carelessly in a healthy marital life.
1. Avoid use of ‘You” with Generalizations
It’s been commonly witnessed in a marital relationship, especially where either one or both the partners are passing through stressful events- that they use generalization along with word “you” to criticize. Like “you are always like this”, “You are always careless”, “You and Your Parents always do this”….etc.
First, understand that expression of frustration and anger will never lead you to solutions, rather it will make your partner defensive or provoke him/her to counter attack you. Hence, avoid the expression of your emotions when you are angry and discuss it transparently and clearly, without criticizing a person rather explain the actions that you believe are wrong when both of you have cooled off.
2. Avoid use of the word “Always”
“Always” implies a sense of rigidity and righteousness. When you use “always,” you’re telling your spouse that they are wrong, you are right, and that there’s nothing that can be done about it.
Since no human being can be perfect and every person has different views, opinion, nature and capabilities. Use of “always” word will soon make your partner counter attack you with things on which you are lagging behind . Generally, such scenarios lead to an altercation where both the partners are right as well as wrong in their own perspectives but in that process, they make a hole in their relationship where the frequency of altercations and fight keep on increasing with time.
3. Never ever “Abuse” your partner
Prior to marriage, many youngsters are in a habit of using abusive words, frequently in their sentences, without even noticing it. But marriage is not a careless institute where you or your partner can take things for granted. If you miss giving the un-asked respect to your spouse, soon you will lose your respect in her/his eyes.
4. Avoid using the word “Divorce” or “Breakup.”
Threatening to divorce or a break-up to win a situation or accusing your spouse of destroying the marriage will like just lead to that . A divorce is a very serious decision, and using it as a weapon or method of control creates anxiety and despair. It’s not conducive to effective communication, conflict resolution, problem-solving, or intimacy.
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